4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
