I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
