Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
