Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
