DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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