Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
