I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize