On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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