I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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