Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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