Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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