Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
