not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
