whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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