Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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