Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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