I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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