Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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