You're my little dorito
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
