Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
