Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize