Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
