I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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