she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
