peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
