I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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