I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The air was thick with penises
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
