We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
