Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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