it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
