.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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