i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
