I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize