is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
