ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
