so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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