You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
