Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
