woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
