I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
