I just made out with a guy for $7.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
