it was like his penis was on wheels.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
