Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This is classic penis vs brain.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dear god my vagina.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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