the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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