I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
