Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
