he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
