I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
