I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
