I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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