She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
