you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
