Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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