I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
