i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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