I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
