OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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