It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize