Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
