She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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