I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Randomize
