I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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