i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
