so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
