so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
