These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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