that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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