is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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